The forbidden fruit!

“I would kill the nun or priest who ever come to my sight first” – yelled one of my sweet friends; who I am sure would read this and shoot me off this earth. She had a valid reason to be annoyed with them and I won’t blame her a bit too. There was an incident where a housewife got pregnant while her husband was away for more than an year – something which needs some explanation – which led to the point where the culprit was none other than their parish priest. “Questioning” him further just led to more such findings around that small town. This never became news as the “Church” intervened and covered up the story nicely to have it not come out in the newspapers.

It’s been a hot debate for quite sometime now as whether Christian priests must be allowed to marry or not. Many such recent incidents of sexual harassment / misuse / illegal encounters where priests were actively involved points nowhere else either. I personally never felt that having a wife would ever de-grade the dignity of being a priest or would ever restrict a him from performing his social duties.

Infact, it would make more sense if he preaches us about the married life – if he is married. Because it’s so easy to preach but preaching from one’s own experience would add more value to it. At times when I listen them preaching as to how to lead a peaceful family life, I just couldn’t stop wondering how the hell would he know what is a family life. One might argue that they’ve been taught on this subject for many years, but believe me that would be pretty much same as learning swimming by correspondence course!

Yes I do agree that getting married might never make one less kinky (out of my own personal experience one can say .. ha ha), but at least they don’t hunt down innocent people or kids for God’s sake As they themselves say many a times, they too are humans then why does the Church expect them to behave like an angel? What they do ultimately is to expose their vulnerable side of emotions to the public by giving them more opportunities and expect them to overcome that in a more “angelic” way forgetting the fact that they too are just humans with flesh and blood.

Disclaimer: I never said that all the priests succumb to such scenarios, but would rather put it as 50:50. And its not just about immoral traffic, but anything which a priests are forbidden from doing. Let it be money or power – they are all never meant to be associated with this profession. And I never said that all priests should be married, but if one feels that it’s the only alternative for them not to commit anything illegal or say sin in their vocabulary, why not? After all, eve did eat the forbidden fruit isn’t it ?

Pitty my Tummy!!

It was about 5 months back… when I realized that its getting difficult for me to tie my shoe laces while sitting on a chair – as me why, Just because I had few pounds of fat obstructing my upper body to bend down further for this noble cause J. Then came a scenario where I felt climbing few stairs gives me almost a heart attack and forget about running, I couldn’t even jog few yards…

I used to be fit as a tiger back in my native (haven’t seen one for a long time now… thanks to the poachers, you can find them only in animal planet show of discovery now). I used be a bowler for our cricket team, a right wing defender for our football club and occasionally played the role of a lifter for our volleyball team as well. There was hardly any day without some sports or games or atleast swimming. – may be one of the reason why people won’t lend me money – as I am difficult to catch – that was a poor joke, please excuse!

When I came to Bangalore about 9 years back and even when I got a job, which demanded nothing from my body - except for the useless brain, I used to have some sort of exercise (you dare not think naughty) or atleast a bit of roaming around on friends places.

It all began when I quit my bachelorhood to marry my love whom I’ve been dating (in Indian slang – loving) for about 6 yrs then. This made me look for an apartment with all the facilities which was never a concern before as I used to share a room with another 4 bachelor friends. My wife is a pretty good cook, and stopping smoking meant I could taste food better. This plus not much exercise (yes, you may think naughty now - but that don't burn out too much of calories does it? I mean - james bond still look healthy) I was slowly, but steadily gaining weight.
I found it not an issue, as I was very lean looking guy when got married, but by the time I realized that fat has started accumulating on certain parts of the body, it was too late. I had atleast a two inch think fat tire around my belly and my cheek started looking like its invading my eyes. And finally the inevitable happened – I was diagnosed for having bad cholesterol above the permissible limit.

It was then – that I realized I better do something about it or become a BHM ( if ladies can be called a Big Beautiful Woman, why not Big Handsome Man? – come on lets talk about equality here ). I joined a gym and has finally started to look like person than a fat pig and guess what, I could finally figure out my six packs down there, with few visible, which went missing about 3 years back… may be one day – if I feel too kinky, I would post a picture of it…. Patience is virtue

Dirty Bangalore – Jaywalkers

When I first ride my scooty in Bangalore, I felt as if I am driving through an obstacle course for mountain biking. No, it was not stones which were the obstacle here; it was the two legged animals called humans (apart from four legged animals such as dogs trying to find their tail in the middle of the road or cows – which will be strategically positioned in a narrow road or hair pin bends). As the population of this IT capital of India is booming like the petrol price, I can’t see any relief in the future as well.
Zebra lines are just a decoration in the road and waste of money and human effort. Or may be it’s meant for the Zebra’s to cross as the name suggests! And you blame us for sounding our hones! It’s practically impossible not to sound your horn and get to office/home without hitting someone – yes I mean it. Why can’t God give us one more ear? The one’s which are provided to us by default is already occupied by cell phones or headphones… I knew God was the culprit!
Walkways are for street vendors and to stick/place advertisements or even for some “bird watching”. It’s not for walking for sure. Result, people here are forced to walk on the road. Yes, I meant “WALK” as it might sound quite scary for my readers in US or any other place on earth where the definition for commute is to reach the destination in one piece. It’s by pure luck and God’s blessings that I am still alive – and now you know why we Indian’s have so many Gods J
You hit a pedestrian (a modest term in India for Jaywalkers) here and you are finished!. Owning a car or a bike is against the ethics for those who don’t have one, so you got to be punished. No, our system doesn’t care how much you pay for your vehicle insurance or road taxes (if you call it a road). The moment you own a vehicle of any form, you have unknowingly signed an agreement to be bulldozed and yeh, you are a petty Boorshwa!
It doesn’t matter if they jump in front your car or bike, you must have been over speeding or your breaks must not be working. (The standard is that you should stop a vehicle which is traveling at the speed of 25 miles an hour – which is the maximum you can drive in Bangalore city – in .0000025 seconds) or you should be an escape artist J
They might give u an impression that they are crossing the road forward, but Alas… they are just practicing moon walking …. ask MJ and he will tell you. Usually kids are protected by their parents who hold them behind their arms, but not in Bangalore. Kids education is very expensive here, so it’s the other way around. And yes, the moment you hit a kid, just pray that there is a fire engine just around the corner, because people would suddenly feel chilly and would just light up your car J